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by Marc Auerbach
[A satirical, fake press release from 8/17/93 when a rumor that Steve was coming back to Apple started circulating]
8/17/93: Cupertino, California - (UPS). In a surprise move today, Apple Computer, Inc. announced that Steve Jobs, one of the companies two founding members, would rejoin the company as CTO (Chief Technology Officer). In a press release issued this morning newly appointed CEO, Michael Spindler commented, "Apple is at a critical point in its evolutionary history. We are wallowing in dramatic and world altering technologies that need to be brought to bear on fundamental needs of our customers while being driven in a comprehensible, consistent and enthusiastic fashion. There are few people in this industry who are capable of sustaining such a movement. I am thrilled that Apple will once again benefit from Steve's talents and gifts."
Analysts praised the move, noting that Apple has been trying over the last several years to reinvent itself in the image of hugely profitable software companies such as Microsoft Corporation of Redmond, Washington. They believe Mr. Jobs will hasten this conversion having just completed a similar exercise at Next Computer, a company he founded after leaving Apple in 1985. Insiders noted that the stepping down of John Sculley, as Apple's CEO and CTO, paved the way for the re-hiring of the man Mr. Sculley fired almost ten years ago. Ironically Mr. Sculley himself was originally wooed away from PepsiCo and into Apple by Mr. Jobs. Mr. Sculley is vacationing for the next six months and could not be reached for comment. Mr. Sculley remains Chairman of the Board of Apple Computer.
Steve Jobs, in a separate release, said he would resign his position at Next and commence his duties at Apple, "sooner than humanly possible." Asked about leaving Next, Mr. Jobs commented, "The business of inventing and reinventing Next is complete. I am leaving the company in the competent hands of its caretakers." About the challenges at Apple he said, "Apple has continued to produce incredible technology like Newton while evolving the Mac, but having looked at the company from the outside now for nearly a decade, it seems to be pulled in too many directions, tried to do too many things. It's time once again to think about the things that have made Apple great, but think about them in new ways.
Asked about Mr. Jobs reputation for a somewhat mercurial management style, a high ranking employee at Next told this reporter, "Steve's mellowed a lot over the years. He is more aware of the needs of others and a spirit of harmony that promotes hard work."
Of course, much has changed at Apple over the intervening decade and several young Apple employees when asked for a reaction to the announcement were both unaware of the press release, and more surprising, just who Mr. Jobs was. One incredulous employee simply asked, "you're kidding, aren't you?" To which we replied, "yes."
Apple Humor Confidential